I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
