U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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