Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
