i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
