I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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