THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
