So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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