I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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