I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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