Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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