i don't like sucking hair
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
