If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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