I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
