Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
