FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize