I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
