Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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