So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
