I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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