literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
