what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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