Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
