I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize