Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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