There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
