Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
