At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
