You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
