seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
