if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
