how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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