Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
