He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
