So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize