I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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