He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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