Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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