No more Irish car bombs ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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