garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
