I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
