SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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