I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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