You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
