He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it hurts more in the daytime
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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