the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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