no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize