Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
