apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize