i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
