i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've blown a few things in my day
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
