what day is it and did you see me today?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
