It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
