so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you would pick up someone in the library
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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