dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
