ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
