I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
one might say we're banned from that church
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
