I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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