just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
