Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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