Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
