Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
