you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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