Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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