i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
