oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
