I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
