No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
